Building Your Moai: The Ancient Wisdom of Women Together
The centuries-old secret to living longer, laughing more, and thriving alongside your tribe.
Every morning, as I sip my tea or coffee by the sunny kitchen window, I watch a group of women power walk down my street. Sometimes there are five or more, sometimes just a few. But they always show up, like clockwork. They bring their dogs, push strollers, or walk on their own. My daughter affectionately calls them “the walkie-talkies” because they walk fast, talk even faster, and laugh constantly. I love seeing them because it reminds me of something so essential—that they’ve tapped into the secret to improving mental, emotional, and physical well-being: the power of community.
During midlife, our busy, overbooked lives don’t leave much space for friendship. I know this all too well. My closest friends are scattered across the U.S., each of them juggling demanding careers, teenagers or twenty-somethings, endless travel schedules, marriages, and often the role of caregiving for aging parents. When one of them finally has a free moment to breathe (usually in the form of a quick text), I jump on it. I’ll encourage—ok, sometimes gently push—them to walk with me, hop on a call, or grab a coffee, even if it’s just for 30 minutes.
Why? Because the research is clear: loneliness is more harmful to your health than smoking. And midlife can be one of the loneliest times of all.
For thousands of years, women have lived in tribal communities—spaces where we could talk, share, nurture, and support one another. But in today’s world, so many of us are isolated, and it takes a toll on our health in ways we may not even realize. That’s because of something called the hierarchy of hormones. Put simply, your body prioritizes the production of three hormones, always in this order:
Oxytocin – often called the “love hormone,” it’s responsible for bonding, attachment, trust, empathy, joy, and a sense of safety.
Insulin – allows glucose to enter your cells so it can be used for energy.
Cortisol – produced by the adrenal glands, it helps your body cope with stress, regulate metabolism, manage inflammation, and maintain mood and cognitive function.
This means oxytocin is actually the body’s top priority. And the best way to boost it is through connection—with others, face to face. Conversations, laughter, hugs, and shared experiences all naturally raise oxytocin levels. When oxytocin is high, both insulin and cortisol naturally drop. This lowers inflammation and blood sugar levels while improving mental well-being. Women’s bodies and brains are especially rich in oxytocin receptors—wired for connection, care, and nurture. The more we fill up on it, the healthier and more balanced we feel.
Building Your Moai
In Okinawa, Japan, there is a beautiful tradition of lifelong friendship called Moai. A Moai is a group of five or more friends who meet regularly, often daily, for connection and support. The word roughly translates to “meeting for a common purpose.” That purpose might be to ask for advice, share stories, laugh, cry, or simply walk side by side through the seasons of life.
Okinawan women live, on average, eight years longer than American women—and one of the biggest reasons is their Moai. This tradition of close community is also a key factor in why Japan has more than 88,000 female centenarians. Imagine celebrating your hundredth birthday surrounded by the same group of friends you’ve cherished since childhood.
So why not start building your Moai today? Join a church, a hiking or meditation group, a book club, a tai chi circle, or even a group of moms at the park. It doesn’t matter what it looks like—what matters is finding your people and seeing them often. It’s one of the most powerful investments you can make in your health, lowering stress and inflammation while giving you peace of mind.
And if you already have a Moai, nurture it. Make it stronger. Because that circle of connection is nothing less than life-giving.
Even though my Moai doesn’t live in the same time zone as I do, they are still one of the greatest gifts in my life. Every time we connect, I feel calmer, more grounded, more myself. There are no pretenses with them—they get me, they see me, they love me as I am. In today’s world, that kind of belonging is rare. And it feels like the most precious gift I can give myself.
✨ Here at Third Spark, I hope this space feels like part of your own Moai—a circle of women who walk alongside you, reminding you that you’re not alone, that you are seen, and that you belong.